4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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