Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
