oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
