Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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