The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
