in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
