when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
