very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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