So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
