Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
