I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
They took my balls.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
