Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
