Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
