I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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