i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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