my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
