my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
