And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
