sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I am naked and annoyed.
Who died my cat blue again?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
