i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
