you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
