Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
