You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
