once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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