Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
