so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
