I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
