Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
