Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
