you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
