How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
