Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
