bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
