i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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