it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
