Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
