yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
