ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Welp...herpes.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize