Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
