I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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