I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
