why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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