I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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