We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
