I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
