great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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