you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
