FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
