you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
