do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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