Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
if i can run in heels then i can drive
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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