Screwed.edu
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She told me I should be a condom model.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
