i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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