Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
