margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
